Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You smell like stripper and shame
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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