It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
