so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
