I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
