we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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