yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I would fuck him just for his dog
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
