We won't sleep together?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
