Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
