I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
