remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
