So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
