I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
