It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
