I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
he high fived his dick after we had sex
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
