I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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