I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
the condom got lost in my hair
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
