Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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