i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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