I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
