JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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