I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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