I got chris browned last night
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
