I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
