Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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