Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
