i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
