i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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