you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
