What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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