Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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