we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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