There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize