dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
