girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
