I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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