it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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