I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
