Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
