My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
