If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
