last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
