She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize