they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize