Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I bet he comes in French.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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