Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Randomize
