Reggie can tackle my bush.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize
