Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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