Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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