Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
