Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
