when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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