I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
