youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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