i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
