I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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