Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
