I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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