In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
