"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
