I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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