It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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