Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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