How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
