She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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