tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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