i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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